Author: rviveiros
The Batcave
So Long Focus!
Almost 12 years with the Focus. About time for an upgrade!


Goodbye Kitchener!
My pal Whiskey
Meet Whiskey! His birthday is June 15th, 2018 and is a mix of husky, lab and German shepherd. He is a rescue dog from Taffy’s Legacy – Canine Rescue & Rehabilitation. Whiskey was adopted on January 28th and its been such an amazing month together!
https://www.instagram.com/shot.of_whiskey/
Fitness Transformation
From 215lbs back in 2012 to 165lbs now. I couldn’t find any earlier before pics, but I know I was bigger back in ’16/17. Guess I wasn’t happy with how I looked with a shirt off. Looking back at my wedding photos, my face was definitely chubbier. I wanted to improve my fitness so I joined the gym in Oct 2018 and trained hard. It’s crazy to see the difference, but I’m far from being done! Time to build my strength 💪 🏋️♂️

Divorce Reflection
Back on August 25th, my divorce was finalized. It was also 10 years ago today that Charlotte and I started dating. I remember how things were back then. How happy and excited we were. Nowadays, it’s strange and hard to reflect on those happy memories. So much has changed and where did it all go wrong. As time passes by, these memories become more distant. However, I sometimes reflect on those 10 years. That way I can understand the lessons I learned and how I have changed for the better.
The one challenge that stands out for me was identifying why I was hung up on what happened. I understand breakups and divorce are difficult to go through, but the love I had for her was gone. For the majority of our time together, I was blinded by love and dismissed my own thoughts, along with what my friends/family were telling me. I ignored all the red flags, believing that these signs were minor or would change over time. The simple stuff that I miss like holding hands, cuddling, kissing, and so on were slowly fading away. One sign that sticks out was the sudden change of mind where she no longer wanted my last name shortly after the marriage, even though we agreed on it and all marriage documents reflected that. Other red flags include: less time with my family and friends and more with hers, cute nicknames for each other were being used in negative ways, her becoming very jealous when I talked to other ladies, and her always bringing up my past relationships. I literally had to lose contact with all my female friends to keep her happy. These signs built up over the years and without knowing, it was affecting my mental health. During our 2.5 years of marriage, I was depressed and couldn’t figure it out.
Unfortunately, the phrase, “happy wife, happy life” was taken a bit too literal. I thought it was my job as a boyfriend and husband to maintain her happiness. That’s exactly what I tried to do and showed my love for her that way. I encouraged her in school and career. Almost every decision I made would be revolved around her and our future together. I proposed to her in Malta in front of her family and friends. We got a dog together, I bought a condo to invest, threw the best wedding I could give, bought a house closer to her work, helped her financially and so on. Everything I did, I did it for her and I thought I was doing everything right.
However, I was wrong. I placed so much time and energy into making sure she was happy, that my own happiness was forgotten. I gained a bunch of weight because I was no longer active. My hobbies were reduced to little or none. I became more introverted and fell into depression. I had become a depressed, pothead gamer that stayed home all the time. When that fully took over, I started paying less attention to Charlotte and not looking after her happiness. Eventually, she noticed and that’s when she started to say things like “I feel alone” “Feels like we are just roommates” “I love you, but I’m not in love with you”. This just got me more upset. We did marriage counseling for a year and even though I felt we were making progress, in our last session, she announces that nothing in her mind has changed and she wants a divorce.
After all that time, the blindfold was finally removed and the love was gone. It’s like a spell was broken and I could see everything that was wrong. Back in the earlier years of dating, the feelings, respect, and care were mutual, but it hasn’t been the case in the last few years. It was always about her and she didn’t care about me. So we went ahead and filed for separation and eventually divorce.
It was during this time where her true colors showed. She said awful things to me and revealed her true feelings. Charlotte states that she didn’t want to marry me and it wasn’t cold feet at all. She failed to mention this to me during our engagement, even though she knew I was spending so much time and money into planning the wedding. She simply stayed with me because of convenience and financial stability. Which all makes sense now. She lived with me for over 3 years, but only contributed to the mortgage for 7 months of it. I took care of all the other bills. She could have contributed 50/50 like most married couples and she had a stable job with decent pay. However, she was reckless in her spending habits and her debt kept expanding. And what was her remedy to all of this? When it came to divorce, she wanted half of everything. She wanted me to sell the house so she could get half the money, pay off all her debt and have plenty of leftover money to throw around. There was no way that was going to happen.
Her nasty greed was showing and I now knew what she was after. It was all about money and she couldn’t hide her grin after the realtor gave us an estimate for the house. I had to protect myself as best as I could and did all my research. A divorce equalization payment typically occurs 3 years after the separation date or 2 years after the divorce. Even though I should have gone that route and got my own lawyer, Charlotte had no patience. I also didn’t want this dragging on for years and making it too expensive with lawyers or other surprise expenses. In the end, she agreed to my terms. She got a payout of $35k along with keeping the dog and the 2016 Jeep Cherokee. My only condition was for me to keep the house. The worst part though… This all had to be done in 30 days! It was a struggle getting it all legally processed and luckily I found a divorce lawyer that did it for a thousand bucks, but it was all finished just in time. Most people say I got screwed over with the time restriction and payout, but I wanted it as quick, simple and painless as possible. Sure I could have made her wait 3 years, but then I risk more expenses with two separate lawyers and other nonsense.
All of this sounds awful, but there was still one more thing. The cherry on top of the divorce cake! After a week or so from signing the separation papers, there was already a new guy in her life. She told me about Mark and his two kids from his previous divorce. They met through a Honda Civic car club and were texting a lot, which now makes sense why she was always away in Brampton every weekend. Charlotte would be texting him in front of me, giggling and smiling. Infatuation was written all over her face. She didn’t even try hiding it from me in hopes to make me jealous I guess. On the final day when I gave her the 35k, she texted him about it and he replied, “Yay we’re rich!” She thought it was hilarious as I just stood there watching her text him with excitement. At that point though, it didn’t faze or surprise me. She showed her true self and she was no more than a stranger to me.
I know that this has become a rant, but I believe writing this out and getting my thoughts outta my head helps. It’s kinda like the closure that I never got before she left. We could never really talk about this as she was so closed off and hiding her feelings/intentions. Every time I tried to talk to her, she would say her famous 3 words “I don’t know.” It was so frustrating to not get any answers and when I did finally get them, all the papers were signed and she was already halfway out the door.
It was a stressful 2 years but also an eye-opener. I learned that I should be vigilant. To listen to not only my heart but my mind as well. My family and friends also provide an outside perspective that I should take into account. Red flags are real and should be addressed, not ignored. Communication between the two partners is key and should be maintained. These lessons will stay with me and never be forgotten.
Most important of all, my happiness is a priority. Shortly after Charlotte left, I spent that year of separation focusing on myself. I joined the gym and lost a ton of weight. I used to weigh around 215-220lbs and now I’m sitting at 165lbs! Fixing my diet was a big factor as I removed items like bread, pasta, potatoes, beer, pop, and unhealthy snacks. I also joined a co-op soccer league with my younger brother and was voted captain. We won 1st place in two seasons with two different teams. It feels amazing to have my active lifestyle back and to see the results. I’ve been going out more often with family and friends with an urge to travel. I went to Chicago for the first time in December and the next big trip will be England to see the UEFA tournament. My hobbies are back in full force and there is always something to do between drawing, cosplay, biking, music and more!
My depression was long gone and life just feels right. It was a lot to go through and a ton of changes, but I’ve learned so much and I’m finally happy. I will never forget but will not live in the past. If the present is this great, then the future is going to be amazing!!

Mid 2019 Update
Woah! Has it really been 5 months since my last post? I must of been super busy to even think about this WordPress blog. Well, its better late than never.
Looking back at my last post about New Year’s resolution, I see I’ve been keeping up with one of my goals – my fitness/health. At that time, I was 186lbs and I’m now down to 171lbs! So basically still going with the 1 pound a week plan that started late last year. I doubt I will lose more weight at this point as I start to gain more muscle. It was definitely a nice surprise to see that my pants/shorts of size 38 and 36 being super baggy. I had to go out and buy a whole new set for size 32! I haven’t been this weight and size since like grade 8 or 9, which seems like ages ago.
Now that we have some nice weather, I’ve started getting out to enjoy the sun. Started going for jogs, outdoor soccer season started 3 weeks ago, and got a new mountain bike. I used to bike all the time and after many years away from it (old bike broke and was tossed), it feels great to hit some new trails. When I do go to the gym, I’ve started a new power-lifting workout that my coworker suggested. So far its going great, but I can see it kicking my ass as it progresses every week in weights.
Fitness wise, I feel like I’m making great progress! On the other hand, my other resolution to learn piano hasn’t really gone anywhere. I feel bad about it, but at the same time I’m in no rush and glad I placed more focus on my fitness. I have started drawing again and taking an online course for it, so there’s the replacement for piano lessons at least. Plus I just enjoy sketching more and its something I used to do a lot.
Besides that, I’ve been keeping busy with friends and family. On my down time, I’ve been gaming a bunch. Stardew Valley, Rocket League, Hearthstone have been keeping me occupied. However, I got Zelda Breath of the Wild working on an emulator on my PC and it looks better than console graphics! So yes, I’ve been super hooked on that beautiful game.
And lastly, the dating scene, has been keeping me busy these last few months. After the holidays, things were picking up and I was going on regular dates. Some good and some bad. Some very bad! With being separated and reflecting back on everything, I definitely know what to look for and what to avoid.
After 8 months and many dates, I finally met someone back in April. Instant chemistry, great conversations, shared values and interests. I am really enjoying this new relationship and look forward to all the summer adventures we will share together. On the other side of it, my divorce is now fully paid and signed for so in a few weeks I will receive the final divorce order in the mail from the court. Can’t believe a year has already passed and I haven’t seen or heard from my ex. That was way easier than expected and soon I will be free!! LOL
Halfway through 2019 and everything is fantastic so far!





New Year’s Resolution
We are two weeks into January and thought I’d share my new year’s resolution. These yearly goals we set ourselves are typically about self improvement but I don’t believe on setting the bar so high that you lose interest and motivation. Taking small steps while enjoying your everyday life is the way to go in my books. For this year, I want to pick up a new hobby and continue working on my fitness.
I may have a lot of hobbies, but none of them included the ability to play a musical instrument. I don’t know much about music theory but also wanted something that suits my taste in music. Guitar seems like a popular choice for many and I did enjoy playing all the Guitar Hero games back in the day. Heck, I used to play some songs on Expert difficulty. However, actual guitar is of course very different and a bit too complicated for me. And that’s me saying that with a roommate who plays guitar very well and could probably teach me. I ended up going with keyboard/piano and bought the equipment on boxing day along with online courses. So far its going great! I’m currently learning some chords and already know how to play some melodies from The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time (One of my all time favorite games). I try to do a lesson or two a week and take my time with it. I don’t expect to be amazing at it by the end of the year, but I’m having a lot of fun with it and that’s what is important to me.
Going to the gym. This is a super common one to go with. The first two weeks of January has been super crazy at my gym in regards to finding a parking spot or availability on my favorite machines. The thing is though, I’ve been going to the gym since September. When I first joined up, I was just over 200lbs. I typically go 3 times a week but there were times where a whole week would be skipped due to other commitments, hobbies, or out of town adventures. Even though I wasn’t overly committed to the gym, I still managed to go down to 186lbs. Back when I was married and even more of a casual gym-goer, I was around 215-220lbs. I had taken a break for around a year or so but thinking back, if I lost about 15lbs and barely went to the gym, imagine what I could do if I put in more time and effort? That is why I re-joined the gym in September and I love seeing the progress! So my resolution for this year is to go more often, eat healthy, and push myself harder.
So we will see. Maybe by the end of the year I’ll have chiseled abs and playing grand symphonies on my keyboard LOL! One can dream, but I’d rather enjoy the journey.

Board Game Collection
